I hope your popcorn is popped and you're ready for some fun. Keep reading to find out my list of dos and don'ts of online dating. Yes, this is about to be just as hilarious and pathetic as you can imagine.
Disclaimer: All points made come from experience. Yes, I've learned a lot and had some horrible dates and thanks to me owning a computer and having a wifi connection, you get to read all about it!
Well let's start off with the basic rule that I really shouldn't even have to say.
1. DO BE YOURSELF
Literally the most obvious thing ever and I can't believe that I have to write this out. Don't pretend to be someone else. Catfish is a funny show but no one likes the feeling of being catfished in real life. People are online being brave enough to be honest and share themselves with other people. Don't be the turd that betrays their trust and fucks up dating for them forever.
2. DON'T LIE
Again I feel like this shouldn't even be mentioned. But if you say your favorite food is sushi and then we go out to a sushi restaurant and you don't know (a) how to order sushi (b) know the difference between sushi and sashimi (c) do not know how to physically eat sushi (and d) don't know why they give you the mysterious brown liquid called soy sauce, it's not impressive and now you've got me wondering why you lied about sushi. It's fucking sushi.
3. DO MEET SOMEWHERE PUBLIC FOR THE 1ST MEETUP
Ain't nobody trying to end up getting murdered. And yes, I know some of you are rolling your eyes right now- but think about it. Especially for women- who are physically smaller and generally not as strong when compared to men- we have to think about safety. I would rather meet you in a public place surrounded by other people to take sure that (a) you don't look like a weirdo and (b) if you act up there are witnesses. You never know. Plus, as the saying goes: safety first.
4. DON'T ASK TO MEET TOO SOON
This is of course a preference. Honestly I like to chat with a guy online for a few days before we make plans to meet up. Like maybe one or two days of chatting on an app followed by a day or two of texting. Then- I think it's totally cool to meet up. But if the conversation goes something like:
Guy: Hey, you have nice eyes
Me: Aw, thanks that's sweet of you to say
Guy: Hey we should meet up later- what's your drink of choice?
I will most likely either not respond, or instead I'll reply with:
And from there I'll hope he forgets about asking me to go for drinks that night. I think it's just hard because you want to try and gage someone's personality before you agree to meet with them because there are certain questions and answers that can help you narrow down the lot and see if a person is right for you. And if you just go in blind, you could be wasting both of your time.
5. DO HAVE UP TO DATE PROFILE PICTURES
Notice how I said pictures. PLURAL. A person with one picture is sketchy AF and a person with one picture that happens to be a group picture is especially sketchy AF. I think most people should have between 3-5 pictures on their profile. And said pictures should all be within the last 1-2 years. It's totes okay to have a travel picture or two from a few years ago up, but make sure that for the most part you make sure your pictures are up to date and bare a recognizable resemblance to your current face.
6. DO NOT CROP YOUR FACE OUT OF YOUR PROFILE PICTURE
I have seen this so many times and honestly, it gets me so mad. All I can think about is that you are married or are in a relationship and are cheating. There is no reason why you should crop your face out or cover it with an emoji in your profile pictures. I was once messaged by a guy who had cropped his face out of his pic and here is how the convo went down:
DISCLAIMER: This is the convo verbatim. I'm changing this guy's name to Shithead for his own privacy.
Shithead: You're beautiful
Me: I would say ditto but you literally don't have a picture with your face...Kinda shady lol
Shithead: I'm sorry ;( I don't wanna people to see me here. I'm really sorry Do u have a kik Bec I can show u my pic on it.
Me: Nah dude. That's wack. Now you got me questioning why you don't want people to see you- that's shady shit that cheaters do.
Shithead: I'm sorry sweetheart Good luck with everything If you wanna talk I'll be here ;)
Me: Like if I'm on here being 100% open and honest why should you be allowed to see my cards but I can't see yours...shady
YES PEOPLE: that was our convo- spelling errors and all. I then proceeded to block him cause...ew.
There are so many things wrong with this convo only the first being that he had no face pics. Firstly, what the actual fuck is a winking frowny face??? Like dude- no. Secondly, only weirdos who are 27 use kik. Kik is an app aimed at like 14 year olds. And lastly, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ME SWEETHEART WE JUST STARTED TALKING I DON'T KNOW YOU EW WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU LEAVE ME ALONE.
So there you have it- my list of Dos and Don'ts in regards to online dating. I have so many more but I won't make you suffer through more unless you ask. Let me know by leaving a comment or liking the post below if you want to hear more about my thoughts on online dating. Until next time...